The Hulk Effect: What you resist, persists

/ Blog Posts / By debleekel

In moments of stress, anxiety, and anger Bruce Banner transforms into the Incredible Hulk. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to these famous opposing personas as they represent the conflict that lives inside most of us.

I admit it. I have a lurking Hulk and he tends to appear when I least want or expect him. Just when I think I have him under control, something triggers me, the monster is unleashed, and he does incredible damage to my self-esteem and my relationships.

Do you have a Hulk lurking inside of you?

Anger is Pain

One of my meditation teachers said something that really resonated with me. April Kaiserlian from the Grand Rapids Center for Mindfulness said: “Anger is pain and I am lashing out because I am hurting.” Pain masquerading as anger – wait, what? This blew my mind, but not in a Hulk sort of way, in an epiphany, I realized this was true for me too. I would Hulk out because I had pain that I expressed as anger. This anger-pain, I didn’t fully understand, was caused by years of pain and feelings of being misunderstood. When triggered, this pain would escape in an emotional furry.

Hulking, as I’m going to call it, causes a looping effect that derails personal and professional relationships. When people see and feel a threat such as Hulk, they’re not going to give Hulk what he most needs, a big hug. They would most likely attack back, or worse, ignore him or retreat from him. And what does that do? It makes him even more hurt and angry and more destructive because now he’s also misunderstood. All that negative energy makes more people flee, ignore, or lash back and the cycle is established.

People Sense Energy

This brings me to a very important point. People sense energy. Even with your back to the door, some people’s energy is so strong you can feel it arrive before you see them. Your body senses it and unconsciously prepares to respond. Good energy attracts and bad energy repells.

I have a story about a double-blind date I had with a girlfriend. We were waiting in the lobby of a restaurant when my blind date walked in the door. My brain immediately responded with, “I don’t think so”. I needed nothing more; I knew from his energy that he wasn’t for me. It wasn’t the way he looked or dressed; it was just his energy. And my response was immediate. You may have guessed, dinner was barely tolerable, and I never went out with him again. This was a prime example that you can’t hide who you really are. Your energy broadcasts it for you. What energy are you broadcasting? Is it the kind of energy you want announcing you.

If you’ve heard of the Tale of the Two Wolves, this gives us insight into solutioning this hulking problem. You can choose the wolf you want to feed.

What you resist persists
Psychologist Carl Jung contended that “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size…you always get what you resist.” You’ve seen this play out in Hulk movies when Bannon tries to prevent himself from hulking and inevitably, he turns into Hulk because he was trying not to.
When you spend energy resisting something, you are giving it a space to live. When you shy away from it, bury it, complain about it, resent it, protest it, or do battle with it, your energy and your focus zeros in on what you don’t want – making it so.

Flip to the positive

So let’s break the cycle! When you find yourself thinking, complaining, protesting, worrying, and/or resenting something in a negative way, stop what you are doing and flip to its opposite – the positive. You can tell the difference because negative thoughts, statements, and energies are things that you don’t want, while the positive are things that you do want. For example: “Why am I always late?” change this negative statement to a positive one like this “I do my best to be on time”. Is it really that easy? I’m not going to fool you into thinking it’s easy to change years of conditioning, but you can start by becoming aware of when you are experiencing negative thoughts and actions, and simply stop it. Then start thinking of ways you can reframe it into something that you do want. Bottom line: it’s all about staying focused on what you do want instead of what you don’t want.

Healing your Hulk Meditation

Healing Your Hulk Qigong Practice